Five Fast Facts!

Posted: June 9, 2011 in Words
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If your name is Jared Hollier and you’re me, then you already know these things. Otherwise, you’re in luck. Today the oppression stops. This is the day I pull the cork on my bottle of brain juice and let you in on some facts you may not have been aware of.

  1. Led Zeppelin is overrated. I know they were super-rebellious when they came out, and now some people think it’s “cool” (whatever that means- I’ve never known.) to listen to them, but let’s be honest: They’re impossible to listen to and totally weird. You don’t really like them either, you just claim to in an effort to impress that friend you have who’s “really into music.”
  2. Roast beef is the best lunch meat. I can’t believe anyone would disagree. What are you gonna come at me with- ham? Not as flavorful. Turkey? That’s just snob’s ham. Bologna? What are you, mental?
  3. Watermelon is gross. It’s a mouthful of nonsense. If an alien landed on earth and asked, “What’s the most deceiving food on this planet?” I’d point them to this beautiful, colorful, disgusting ball of disappointment.
  4. Most shows on CBS are terrible. NCIS, Two and a Half Men, Big Bang Theory, Rules of Engagement, How I Met Your Mother. If it’s on CBS, there’s a good chance I’ve rolled my eyes at it because it’s terrible.
  5. The Harry Potter books are better than you think. I’ve recently learned this firsthand. After avoiding them for years, I’ve read two in only four nights. I’d be reading the third right now if our library had it. I had to inter-library loan it from Houston and the wait is killing me. I haven’t seen any of the movies, either, so don’t be a jerk and ruin it for me in the comments with a spoiler.

You can disagree with me in the comments section. But you shouldn’t because these are all true.

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Comments
  1. Tylertyler says:

    HARRY POTTER I LOVE IT IM SCREAMING I DONT KNOW WHY IM SO EXCITED IM SO EXCITED im so scared.

  2. Claudia Lowery says:

    #1….Agree
    #2….Half Agree, but I love turkey, too
    #3…NOW who’s mental? Watermelon is divine if it’s sweet. The irony is that they rarely are.
    #4…TRUTH WELL-SPOKEN (but I confess, I still fall asleep watching/listening to Letterman….but I ADORE that cute Scotsman, Craig Ferguson on Late, Late)
    #5…Not going down the Potter Path…not now…not never.

  3. Edwin Christian says:

    I can agree with all of your statements except I enjoy watching NCIS. Maybe it is because I am a Marine or maybe because some the stuff they come up with, note I said some of the stuff, is real. After spending seven years as head of Navel Intelligence I saw a lot of the things that seem out in space up close and personal. I am used to people who have never spent time in the military bashing shows like this so I can discount the ignorance, but feel I need to add since you have never been there don’t knock it.
    You are free to turn the channel, us who served to assure your freedom give you permission.

  4. J. Irvine says:

    I found myself on a rollercoaster of emotions reading this.
    1. Just cruising straight. I road the fence on this one. I like some of their stuff, but can totally relate to them being overrated.
    2. Super Man ride at Six Flags Ft. Worth style ascent. YES!
    3. Ridiculous plummet! FRUIT BLASPHEMY!
    4. Steady Ascent. Very agreeable, just not as exciting as sharing the love of Roast Beef.
    5. I was thinking this would be a plummet since previously I was on the rise, BUT…its just the lazy slow flatline to a stop. I have never read them and I probably never will so I can neither agree nor disagree.

    I appologize that you will not ever get the time back that you wasted reading this, but it is kind of slow at work and I was feeling the need to share.

    PS: Someone dies at the end of Harry Potter…I had to go to a spoiler site to get you such exclusive info.

  5. Judy Hall says:

    1. Ok, well I will agree that Led Zeppelin is over-rated. I can’t recall any of their songs specifically of the top of my head, so they obviously are not one of my favorites!
    2. I will have to disagree with you on the best lunch meat though. While I do enjoy roast beef, I feel that a sandwich with smoked ham, slightly heated, cheese, fresh lettuce and straight from the vine tomato slice, just can not be beat!!
    3. HOW CAN YOU SAY WATERMELON IS GROSS??? Watermelon is the fruit of summer!! When you finally get a really sweet, juicy watermelon, you know that summer is indeed upon us!! And even better, if you put it in a creek to cool it! God knew what he was doing when he created creeks to be flowing and cool! Oh man, now I can’t wait to get my hands on a GOOD watermelon!! By the way, is it thump and it should sound hollow, or what?
    4. Some of the CBS shows that you mentioned I do enjoy watching, but I will agree with you that there are a couple of them that are just plain stupid!!
    5. As for Harry Potter, I have seen some of the movies, or at least pieces of them. I was not impressed. I’m just not a fan of wizards and warlocks and such. Give me a true story! That is where the real entertainment is!

    HAVE A GREAT DAY AND GOD BLESS YOU!!

  6. Theresa says:

    You always continue to amaze me. I THINK that’s a good thing.

  7. Jared says:

    Just to expand a little, my favorite sandwich is warm roast beef, pepper jack, spicy mustard, on toasted bread. I’m pretty sure that sandwich is up there with “The Roman Road” and “Admit-Believe-Confess” as a way to lead people to salvation.

  8. Jared Clifton says:

    1. “Whole Lotta Love” really is good. All the rest is crap.
    2. Seconded
    3. That’s blasphemy
    4. I don’t watch much TV besides NatGeo, The Travel Channel, or History channel, so I’ll agree.
    5. I feel like this is just understood among everyone who has a fully functioning brain.

  9. We can no longer be friends. Not that we were before, but now its officially unofficial. I disagree with all of your points. Well technically I have never read a Harry Potter book, but I’ve seen the previews for the movies and they are filled with sin (I joke) and I’ve never tasted roast beef lunch meat, but I’m going to go ahead and assume it’s nasty..And watermelon being gross is absurd! Are you sure you love Jesus? I’m not so sure about you and your salvation.

    PS- I was joking, we can totally be bff, in an alternate universe where Led Zeppelin plays music with Mozart on CBS every night.

  10. Mandy says:

    I just thought we were related, but obviously you’re more like our “other” brother than I thought. Just kidding, agree with you on some & the others I’ve just never experienced (Led Zepplin, roast beef & Harry Potter).

    • Mandy says:

      So, I may have heard Led Zepplin, but they must not have made much of an impression on me. BUT I still can’t believe you don’t like Country Music! No, it’s not all about getting drunk, your girlfriend leaving, your dog dying, & “Momma gettin’ hit by a train”.

  11. nateaton says:

    1. I concur. I own an album of theirs and never really listen to it. I’m a fraud, I admit it.
    2. On this point we must agree to disagree. I feel about roast beef the way that you do about Watermelon. Ham I could eat every day for the rest of my life except that it would raise my cholesterol through the roof and then kill me with its salty goodness.
    3. I feel Meh about Watermelon. Sometimes, when it’s sweet, it’s pretty good. But like someone already said, on the whole, it’s normally not sweet, in which case it’s just another weird way to get water into your body.
    4. On the whole, I agree. However, the Big Bang Theory is one of my favorite shows and I wish it was on a different network so it didn’t get such a bad rap. It’s very witty, but some of the jokes are uber nerdy. So you have to have some uber nerd in you to laugh at them. I also like Survivor still, mostly for how ridiculous the contestants are. They fascinate me. The rest of CBS is pretty lame.
    5. Oh man, I remember the excitement of reading through the HP books for the first time. You sir are in for a treat. The books are such great stories. The movies aren’t bad either, though they do vary from the books a fair amount. I would almost say watch them first and then read the books. That way you’ll enjoy both in their own ways.

  12. Caleb Drake says:

    Alright, let’s bring a little sound reason to this discussion.

    #1. How can you say such a thing? You must not “really [be] into music.” Those of us who “are” look loftily down our sitars at you and assume you must be a country music fan. How about 5 fast mega hits that changed the face of modern music forever: 1. Cat Scratch Fever 2. Bohemian Rhapsody 3. I Can’t Drive 55 4. Theme Song for CSI 5. Theme Song for CSI: Miami.

    #2. Apparently you’ve never met my friend Mr. Corned Beef and his brother Dr. Sauerkraut.

    #3. If I went to another planet and the aliens offerend me a watermelon I would think I had done died and gone to ‘Bamy.

    #4. I listen to shows on CB’s all the time. Truckers are the most entertaining people. My handle is Tazerbelly.

    #5. I tried reading the Hairy Potter books and I just couldn’t get into them. “Oh woe is me, I’m a lonely artisan with too much body hair and nobody loves me.” Come on, bore me a river. The Balding Goldsmith series is better by a mile.

  13. Travis Maines says:

    1. I can agree…couldn’t name a single LZ song

    2. Love Roast Beef… That Arby’s guy is a genius. Ham and Turkey are mere sidekicks in the lunch meat universe.

    3. Disagree, watermelon is tasty and the seeds are fun to spit

    4. Again with the hatred on NCIS… Inconceivable!!!!

    5. The Harry Potter saga is strangely addicting and entertaining. It’s no Star Wars, but it’s impressive how Harry Potter can capture such a wide age range for an audience.

  14. Traci Warner says:

    Jared-

    I have all of the Harry Potter books that may borrow if you would like. Just let me know!

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