If your name is Jared Hollier and you’re me, then you already know these things. Otherwise, you’re in luck. Today the oppression stops. This is the day I pull the cork on my bottle of brain juice and let you in on some facts you may not have been aware of.
- Led Zeppelin is overrated. I know they were super-rebellious when they came out, and now some people think it’s “cool” (whatever that means- I’ve never known.) to listen to them, but let’s be honest: They’re impossible to listen to and totally weird. You don’t really like them either, you just claim to in an effort to impress that friend you have who’s “really into music.”
- Roast beef is the best lunch meat. I can’t believe anyone would disagree. What are you gonna come at me with- ham? Not as flavorful. Turkey? That’s just snob’s ham. Bologna? What are you, mental?
- Watermelon is gross. It’s a mouthful of nonsense. If an alien landed on earth and asked, “What’s the most deceiving food on this planet?” I’d point them to this beautiful, colorful, disgusting ball of disappointment.
- Most shows on CBS are terrible. NCIS, Two and a Half Men, Big Bang Theory, Rules of Engagement, How I Met Your Mother. If it’s on CBS, there’s a good chance I’ve rolled my eyes at it because it’s terrible.
- The Harry Potter books are better than you think. I’ve recently learned this firsthand. After avoiding them for years, I’ve read two in only four nights. I’d be reading the third right now if our library had it. I had to inter-library loan it from Houston and the wait is killing me. I haven’t seen any of the movies, either, so don’t be a jerk and ruin it for me in the comments with a spoiler.
You can disagree with me in the comments section. But you shouldn’t because these are all true.