Church Things

Posted: April 6, 2011 in Words

Earlier today, Craig and I were loading some metal folding chairs into the back of his car (because tonight he’s having the youth group over to his house for dinner, Bible study, and they’re going to eat a three gallon bucket of cheese puffs). As we were finishing up, I started thinking that the majority of my folding chair/table moving has been done at a church.

I grew up going to church every Sunday and Wednesday. When I went to college, I quickly joined and was eventually employed by another church. Now that I’ve been pastoring for three and a half years, I’m pretty sure I’ve moved tables and/or chairs at least twice a month for nearly twenty years, and nearly all of it has been in a church.

I also can’t tell you how many times I’ve put colored beads on a leather string in the following order: Black, Red, White, Blue, Green, Yellow. (Bonus points if you know what each of those colors stands for.)

I’ve probably sipped grape juice out of a little, tiny plastic cup at least 200 times.

I know what Oriental Trading is.

I’ve set up and operated bouncy houses, popcorn carts, cotton candy makers, dunking booths and sno-cone machines.

I’ve eaten more Rico’s Condensed Aged Cheddar Cheese Sauce than should be allowed by law.

I also am familiar with the following words/phrases:

  • Love offering
  • Rededication (my spell check says its not even a real word)
  • Tract
  • Evangecube
  • Accountability partner
  • “Boys are blue, Girls are pink, Don’t make purple.”

Did I miss any? What things do you do, have you done, or are you familiar with strictly because of your church experience?

(For more examples, click the “Stuff Christians Like” link on the right side of this page. It’s one of my favorite things ever.)

  1. Travis Maines says:

    Here’s a few:
    — 5th Sunday Singing
    — Skipping the 3rd verse
    — Fall Festival (not a Halloween carnival)
    — The Preacher’s Store (possibly specific to P.A.B.C.)
    — In addition to chairs, how about putting up/taking down the stage?
    — A puppet named Penelope (and a wonderful woman named Mary Kilmer, may she rest in peace)

    For the bonus points; Our sin, Jesus’ blood, cleansing of our sins, baptism, everlasting life, streets of gold… That’s my best guess.

  2. Diane says:

    Our church meets in an elementary school so we have two trailers worth of stuff that we set up every Sunday morning. As soon as church is over people take their chair and put it back on the rack to go back into the trailer. The nursery has all collapsible cribs so it all gets back up too. Its pretty crazy!

  3. Craig says:

    Not-sweet-enough Kool-aid at every church event with children.

  4. Mandy Cooper says:

    Craig, sounds like you need to visit our church. Our lemonade will make your mouth pucker for the next month!

    Jared, what about simple words like:

  5. Jared, this has been my favorite post so far on your blog! I want to write something quick and witty, but my brain is working slowly today….

    Oh, how about,

    “We’ll pray about it”

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